A Holistic Take on Healing Relationships
All of life is relationship.
And after speaking to many clients and friends in the past few weeks I have noticed that relationships seem especially strained at this time. I know in my own life my partner and I have been at each other's throats way more than usual. Which sucks! Cause I love loving him! So, I thought I'd share some of my own practices with you that I use to keep healing and expanding our relationship.
Intimate relationships are such a beautiful opportunity to witness your own bullsh*t and have the power to bring up old wounds and patterns from childhood that can create barriers to intimacy and connection. They're opportunities to heal, but only if you're willing and aware.
Since becoming a student of the metaphysical text A Course in Miracles, I have begun to believe that these wounds are rooted in the belief that we are separate from our true nature, which is love. These beliefs can manifest as fear, anxiety, and emotional pain, creating barriers to true connection and love.
Healing these wounds requires us to become aware of the beliefs and patterns that keep us stuck in a cycle of pain and disconnection, but we can absolutely achieve healing by learning how to truly forgive and how to show deep compassion towards ourselves and our partners.
So here are 5 'first steps' you can take to begin healing your relationship with yourself and your love:
Start with self-love: I believe that you can't give anything that you don't already have. Love included. So, before you can truly love another person, you have to learn to love and accept yourself. I started my journey to self-love with a mirror work practice by Louise Hay that emphasizes the importance of affirmations and positive self-talk. Start by looking in the mirror and saying, "I love and accept myself exactly as I am." Make this a daily habit, that you acknowledge your love and acceptance for yourself every time to catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, not from a place of selfishness, but rather a place of appreciation. This allows you to tap into your natural state, which is love, and it has a wonderfully transformative effect on your relationship with yourself and others.
Let go of past hurts: It's can be so easy to hold onto grudges and resentments, "would've-could've-should've" type of thinking and past hurts in relationships but they rot away at the foundation of your vibration and your relationship. Forgiveness practices, of which there are many, are so important to allow new, fresh momentum to flow in your relationships. When I'm feeling weighed down by my unforgiveness I love to write a letter to myself and the other person stating what I am upset or resentful about, asking for forgiveness from myself and the other person, stating how I would like to feel or act in the future with them around this topic, thanking them for the lessons and then burning the letter. I also enjoy cleansing baths and showers where I cry, feel my feelings, and imagine the water cleansing both of us and the relationship. Feel free to also try one of my favorite forgiveness practices: Ho'oponopono Prayer | 108 Repetitions For Deep Healing & Forgiveness | Powerful Mantra Meditation
Practice communication: Communication is vital in any relationship, but it can be challenging to express your feelings in a healthy way, especially if it had never been modeled to you. I see communication as a skill you need to develop in a relationship, and yes, it can be really challenging at first, so don't try to figure it out on your own. My favorite mentors when it comes to 'Safe Communication' are Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly that teach the Imago technique for safe communication in relationships. This is just one communication tool to use, you can start today by using "I" statements, such as "I feel hurt when..." instead of blaming the other person. Also, don't be afraid to ask for what you need and actively listen to your partner's needs. Watch a video about the Imago technique now - Getting the Love You Want | Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt | Talks at Google
Prioritize fun and pleasure: I don't know about you, but an intimate relationship can become real serious real quick! Relationships should be enjoyable, so make time for fun and pleasure. Tony Robbins always says that if you keep treating each other the way you did at the beginning of your relationship there won't be an end. Now I know, life gets in the way, but being playful and having fun with the person you love most in the world can be a priority. This can be as simple as scheduling a date night or trying something new together in a different environment. Maybe you need to have more fun in bed, allow more pleasure and prioritize your sexual intimacy to spice up your relationship. Why not learn from my favorite person when it comes to all the sexy stuff Lisa Welsh, who is brilliant at teaching regular people like you and me how to make sex fun. Check out her website now.
Focus on the positive: Take time to express gratitude for your partner and the good things in your relationship. Here on earth, we will always experience polarity, which means the negative side of every subject is always available. The only thing that you have control over is where you place your focus. Your focus is your thoughts, beliefs, energy, emotions, feelings, and expectations. If you are always looking for the worst in your partner, you might need to address the possibility of there being inner wounds keeping you on high alert and in a state of fight or flight. Seeking help in my own life to heal those wounds have made the world of difference in how I approach my relationship. Choose to place your focus on what is beautiful and inspiring about your love. Choose to see their humanness as the wonderful thing it is. remember in their humanness lies their divinity and appreciate that part of them too. Focus on the positive aspects, make lists of gratitude towards and about your love, and watch how it transforms your relationship. Read The Magic by Rhonda Byrne to learn how to live in gratitude.
Healing an intimate relationship takes time, energy, awareness, and effort, yes, but it's worth it for the love, healing, fun, and connection that comes with it.
Start with self-love, let go of past hurts, practice communication, prioritize fun and pleasure, and focus on the positive. With a little bit of extra energy focused on this area of your life, you can create a healthy and happy relationship that helps you experience exactly what you need to live a life you love.